Abnormalities of Life

As follow-up to the previous post "Uggs, Lugs, and Thugs". This rapidly multiplying species of footwear was found off the coast of of Lingerie in the Isle of Misguided Footwear in the depths of the King of Prussia Strawbridges.

HELP!! The Key Lime Scottish Martian Cheerleaders are coming, and they brought their corsets! Ladies. . . COME ON! They seriously retail for $120?!

Let me start by saying that I am in no way racist or chauvinist. That being said, I think it is about time we address the growing pandemic of poor footwear selection for today's African American female population.

A friend of mine recently noticed that most women have some strange ideas for foot fashion. He noted that it seems to plague minorities worse.

Just go to any Payless, Famous Footwear, Nine West, Bostonian, or any other female-friendly retailer and you'll see the sad state of affairs that feet are reduced to. Look at the enclosed examples of current boot samplings.


We have, from left: Fur, Scottish Cheerleaders, a Space-Suit, a Pump-Boot Lovechild (Poot? Bump? How about Poop?), and a Medieval Foot Corset.

I saw an example of this accessory abuse today, when an attractive woman dressed in a conservative and very professional suit walked off the elevator with a high-heeled version of the furry guy. What made her think this looks good? The suit was black and the fur was well. . . fur colored in the beige variety.

Ladies, I implore you to leave the experimentation to the truly helpless: modern celebrities. They do it in the name of bad publicity, see www.gofugyourself.com. What is your excuse? Your feet are with you your entire life, hoisting up varying levels of ever-increasing weight. This is a sorry role in the universe as it is. Why add insult to injury in the form of an unengaging though very enraging Furry Poot?

I've always been a fan of advertising. For retailers, the Gap has always been one of my favorites. Who else has the balls to have Sarah Jessica Parker, Madonna, Lenny Kravitz, and a host of other celebrities go tet-to-tet with khaki-clad thugs from west side soundstage?

The only thing better than their ads? Their sales. When any of the Gap's companies (they own Old Navy and Banana Republic too) have sales, they are spectacularly cheap. . . Cheap that is until you consider the lazy factor of the employees.

I purchased two t-shirts at lunch. The promotional sign said $19.50 each or $14 for more than 2. So simple logic would lead one to believe that my AmEx should only be charged $28. In my haste to enjoy some new all white meat nuggets from McDonalds (another disappointment--more on that later), I didn't pay attention to the fact that I was now indebted by another $11. But I couldn't turn back now, lunch hour was over and there were nuggets to be consumed. So I figured that I would rectify my situation after work.

Sometime between 1:00 and 5:00, one of the store employees took the time to update the merchandise area and removed the sign. Alas the sale was over. And without sufficient proof, so was my refund quest.

While I'm not happy about it, I understand it. So why then, must I be subjected to "I don't know sir; perhaps you're confused. That sign hasn't been up for a while. Did you perhaps stop in yesterday and are a bit out of sorts?"

Yes, that is EXACTLY what happened, which is why my receipt says 11.11, not 11.10. I realize my plight was trivial and quite jovial with my lack of evidence, but why ridicule?

Dumb bitch! If you did your damn job in the first place, we wouldn't have this issue. How about I lash out at you? Don't fall into the Gap, you skank, fall into a bus.