Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Bathroom etiquette
I'm not sure who invented the rules to the modern men's room, but whoever it was really did it well. It is so well that everyone knows the rules without having ever been told them. We all know the rule--but ladies, if you don't I'll enlighten you.
We don't know where it came from or how it came about, but we know it. When walking into a restroom to urinate, you exercise the following procedures:
1. Look at the number of stalls and urinals.
2. Choose your preferred option.
3. If it is a stall, don't make it stink or make too many noises while you are in there.
4a. If it is a cluster of urinals, go the further most one. If someone is already there, go to the furthermost point from him.
4b. The next person will go to a spot and leave at least one empty urinal in between.
4c. This continues in a similar fashion until every other urinal is in use. At which point you go the stalls and refer to rule 3.
There are few exceptions to these rules, but they include:
1. If walls exist between urinals, you can collocate next to others.
2. If a line starts to form, you can collocate next to others.
These rules are absurd, but simple enough, right? Well, not to everyone. Take Joe.
Joe is an elderly employee at my company's print / reproduction shop. He's a soft spoken and tiny little guy. You'd never notice he was here, until you hit the restroom. Our restroom has three urinals and four stalls. Following the simple rules should tell you that urinals 1 and 3 are used most often. The third-sixth person to enter the restroom at the same time will then utilize the stalls. The seventh person will then use the center urinal.
Our restroom never has more than 3 people at any given time (except for burrito day at the cafeteria-but that's entirely different). So why must Joe be the first guy in line and go the the center urinal? This forces you to choose between breaking the urinal distance rule and using a stall unnecessarily. For those keeping tabs, I broke the rule.
I know I'm ridiculous with my analysis of this, but it completely throws my entire system out of whack.
If you're out there Joe, be warned! Some day I'll turn to my left or my right and pee on you just to prove my point.
We don't know where it came from or how it came about, but we know it. When walking into a restroom to urinate, you exercise the following procedures:
1. Look at the number of stalls and urinals.
2. Choose your preferred option.
3. If it is a stall, don't make it stink or make too many noises while you are in there.
4a. If it is a cluster of urinals, go the further most one. If someone is already there, go to the furthermost point from him.
4b. The next person will go to a spot and leave at least one empty urinal in between.
4c. This continues in a similar fashion until every other urinal is in use. At which point you go the stalls and refer to rule 3.
There are few exceptions to these rules, but they include:
1. If walls exist between urinals, you can collocate next to others.
2. If a line starts to form, you can collocate next to others.
These rules are absurd, but simple enough, right? Well, not to everyone. Take Joe.
Joe is an elderly employee at my company's print / reproduction shop. He's a soft spoken and tiny little guy. You'd never notice he was here, until you hit the restroom. Our restroom has three urinals and four stalls. Following the simple rules should tell you that urinals 1 and 3 are used most often. The third-sixth person to enter the restroom at the same time will then utilize the stalls. The seventh person will then use the center urinal.
Our restroom never has more than 3 people at any given time (except for burrito day at the cafeteria-but that's entirely different). So why must Joe be the first guy in line and go the the center urinal? This forces you to choose between breaking the urinal distance rule and using a stall unnecessarily. For those keeping tabs, I broke the rule.
I know I'm ridiculous with my analysis of this, but it completely throws my entire system out of whack.
If you're out there Joe, be warned! Some day I'll turn to my left or my right and pee on you just to prove my point.
# posted by Jay @ 2:22 PM 
