Tuesday, October 11, 2005
You don't have to go to Hollywood
Yes, I'll agree that Hollywood Tans' theme song is a bit catchy. They are also located EVERYWHERE. This is probably why, in preparation for my sun-filled vacation, I signed up for the membership. It really isn't a bad deal either. You pay $20 / month and get to burn yourself for 10 minutes inside of an ultraviolet tube as often as you like. You must sign a disclaimer at the onset recognizing the long-term effects that UV exposure has on your health.
Should anyone need proof, just attempt to talk to one of the bronze goddesses that work at your Local HT. I'm sure that free tans are just one perk of the no-brainer $5 / hour job that attracts misguided twenty-something whores like moths to a flame. Why then, are these "challenged" individuals then permitted to operate anything after the long-term effects of this tanning has permeated through their precious and sparse brain cells.
I have been to my local HT twice now. Each time, I was greeted by an attractive, overly dark, and overly dysfunctional "tan girl" who proceed to provide absolutely no help behind the counter.
Instance number one involved transferring my membership from the Conshohocken store to the Audubon store. This is a simple telephone call that verifies my existence in the other store's computer system. One would not think this to be a challenging task. But alas, after twenty minutes and unfounded frustration, I was handed a towel and allowed to go on my way.
Instance number two involved payment for said services. Do not try to upsell me on something I clearly listed as exactly what I am looking for. I do not need the super duper $100 / minute tanner that will do nothing but send me to the hospital. Nor do I need bronzing lotion that does nothing but make me smell like a coconut. And Lastly, when I hand you a credit card to pay for the requested service, don't look at the card and ask if this is what I plan to use for payment. Why else would the card be out?
So back to that catchy little jingle. How does it go? "You don't have to go to Hollywood, to be a complete moron."
Should anyone need proof, just attempt to talk to one of the bronze goddesses that work at your Local HT. I'm sure that free tans are just one perk of the no-brainer $5 / hour job that attracts misguided twenty-something whores like moths to a flame. Why then, are these "challenged" individuals then permitted to operate anything after the long-term effects of this tanning has permeated through their precious and sparse brain cells.
I have been to my local HT twice now. Each time, I was greeted by an attractive, overly dark, and overly dysfunctional "tan girl" who proceed to provide absolutely no help behind the counter.
Instance number one involved transferring my membership from the Conshohocken store to the Audubon store. This is a simple telephone call that verifies my existence in the other store's computer system. One would not think this to be a challenging task. But alas, after twenty minutes and unfounded frustration, I was handed a towel and allowed to go on my way.
Instance number two involved payment for said services. Do not try to upsell me on something I clearly listed as exactly what I am looking for. I do not need the super duper $100 / minute tanner that will do nothing but send me to the hospital. Nor do I need bronzing lotion that does nothing but make me smell like a coconut. And Lastly, when I hand you a credit card to pay for the requested service, don't look at the card and ask if this is what I plan to use for payment. Why else would the card be out?
So back to that catchy little jingle. How does it go? "You don't have to go to Hollywood, to be a complete moron."
# posted by Jay @ 8:10 AM 
