Abnormalities of Life

I have a camera phone. I know how to operate it, yet I have no idea how to use it. I always see so many interesting things and picture-worthy moments, but as they typically involve the ineptitude of a perfect stranger, discreetness is key. When it comes to being discreet, I'm about as slick as Fly Paper. Unfortunately, as in other previous occasions, you the reader has to develop a sense of imagination to make up for the lack of skill I possess.

Living in a large city allows you to see many different and interesting types of people. Today I'll focus on Gay men. With innovative and well managed coiffes, wardrobes comprised of the hottest trends, fitness routines that promote healthy bodies, and flawless complexions, they really test the theory that men cannot be pretty.

Despite my assessment of the overall stereotypes, every once in a while, in every overall group, there exists a deviation from the norm. Small deviations are not uncommon, however full-scale change is always a bit more difficult to fathom.

There is a kid that rides my train on a nearly regular basis. He cannot be more than 25. With Crystal Gayle hair circa 1985, a bright orange puffy jacket, too-tight and faded black jeans, sandals--did I mention it is 25 degrees outside--from middle-school, this kid who bares a striking resemblance to Jesus, is a walking fashion disaster. At first I thought he was just perhaps a poor or destitute college student with no means to do better. But then one day, as the crowd waits for the train, I watched as he sat at a nearby bench running algorithms and programming language on his more-expensive-than-my-house computer.

That totally dismissed my theory. Even if he is still a college student, with brains like that, he could afford going into debt for a few years just to make sure he continued to look good, knowing that he'll be making six figures in just a few more years.

So what makes me figure that Gaysus (that's what I'm calling him) is a misguided gay man looking for the road to salvation? He could just be an introverted computer nerd with little care for such superficial nonsense. Well, it could be the 36" gay pride umbrella (rainbow and pink triangle included) that he sports on rainy days. Or it could be the accidental gay porn spotting I saw on his computer the one day I sat behind him on the train. I'll let you decide how I drew my conclusions.

I like to look for the beauty in everyone. I'm actually not kidding--for real. I make fun of everyone, but that's all in the name of getting a cheap laugh. But I'd rather have to work much harder to find good material. This one needs excessive help. I'm afraid that too much at once might just push him over the edge however, so perhaps we could start with some straight eye for the queer guy and then infuse him with regular booster shots.

I think it was the Reverend Billy Graham that said "The road to salvation is often bumpy". I don't know if anyone expected the road to Gaysus' salvation would be THAT bumpy.