A Hummer Nobody wants

Gas prices have now eclipsed the $3 / gallon mark. I'm upset, but not devastated, as I only fill up my little lean import only about every week and a half. But there is a Hummer H2 in my condo complex's parking lot that has only seen the road for about 3 weeks since I moved last July. I can't blame the owner, as every 12 feet costs roughly $20. At least he or she has another car with which to circulate around town. Either that, or they really don't get out much.

I actually feel some sympathy for SUV owners right now. They bought cars when incomes were high and gas prices were low. Now that the gas prices have skyrocketed and incomes have only trickled skyward, everyone is feeling the crunch. Common sense tells us we should all do our part to help minimize consumption. We'll start by not driving like a maniac.

So this chic in a huge yellow Hummer (not a smaller and more manageable H2 or H3) careened down the aisle of the train station parking lot this morning. I was in my doughnuted-gimpmobile (flat tire #27--keep in mind I've only been driving for 10 years) minding my business. I had just turned a corner and was approaching her straight on. The aisle is wide enough for two cars, but not if one of them is a Hummer. I didn't use my turn signal to indicate I planned to acquire a parking space, but I had slowed down and was far from any other cars. Until the Giant bumble bee flashed a finger and gunned it 100 yards just because she could. Biggest waste of $50 ever. I was irritated, but soon forgot. I was approaching the parking pay station (think Plinko or Connect 4 board for quarters) and I hear this scuffling behind me. Up runs Big Yellow's driver in a poorly-fitting suit and a pair of bedroom slippers. She boxes me out only to take an extraordinarily long amount of time to dispense her four quarters. By now I'm visibly angry and she's like "You'll have to wait, I need to make the train" which wasn't anywhere nearby. I replied with "and I don't? Fat bitch".

I totally wanted to say that second part under my breath, but my anger got the best of me and gave a much higher volume than anticipated. She really wasn't that fat, she just looked like a train wreck with her undried hair, that ill-fitting outfit, and the slippers--OMG the slippers!

I have never seen someone so stuck on themselves as to completely disregard everyone else in America and then get angry when called out on it. Oh wait, I have; his name is George W, but that's an entirely different topic.

Hopefully the gas crisis will be over soon. This girl will actually survive quite well; she has enough hot air and noxious gases in her head to provide many a Hummer's worth of energy.