Abnormalities of Life

We've all been duped before, yet I seem to keep going back. You hear "$1 well drinks and drafts" and you herd your friends, coworkers, and--if you're from an Irish family--relatives together at your favorite watering hole for an hour of inexpensive indulgence.

After going to a less than stellar example of this "special hour" last evening, I left with several nagging questions. Question one is what benefit does the bar see? I'm sure they still make money charging $1 for a shot of $2 vodka, but they only ever staff each serving area with one tender who is mandated to precisely measure each drink's alcohol content. This leads to angry customers who then demand orders in increments of 5-10 drinks at once; who says Americans have drinking problems? Then at the strike of the hour, the place clears out like a . . . If the purpose of the 8:00 happy hour is to encourage further spending once prices rise again, why does this evacuation happen nearly every time, and further, why do the bars continue to recreate this opportunity-less event.

Question two is why have a sign-in list if you aren't going to actually use it? I realize it will be to collect your e-mail to inform me of future specials. But guess what? The moment I receive even one piece of spam from you, I'm throwing in the towel and I'm asking to removed from your list. How effective was that?

Question three is why throw these happy hour parties for everyone smart enough to throw a business card into your fish bowl? What about those who don't have said cards? It isn't fair!

Question four is why are all of these people that you invite so ugly?

Question five is why do I keep going if all I'm doing is complaining?

Question six is can I have a Captain and Coke? It is only a dollar!